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Bhakti
Caru Swami
Recently one of our god-brothers, Nityananda das adhikari, wrote a book
called, "Someone has Poisoned Me" and alleged that the cause
of Srila Prabhupada's disappearance from this planet is arsenic poisoning,
and the ones who were serving His
Divine Grace at that time administered him that poison. Since I was one
of Srila Prabhupada's personal servants at that time, taking care of his
food and medicines, according to that book, I am naturally a suspect.
When I first heard about this allegation I considered it to be so absurd
that I did not think it deserved any response. I could not even imagine
that anyone with a rational mind would give any credence to such an
allegation. However, yesterday I received a COM message from Hari Sauri
prabhu, one of Srila Prabhupada's personal servants and the author of
"The Transcendental Diary", saying, " The (poison) issue
must be dealt with directly. That must include direct statements from
yourself (Tamal Krishna Goswami), Bhakti Caru, Bhavananda, Jayapataka
et. al. When the persons that were there present their experiences collectively
it makes a very powerful statement. I want to repeat, it MUST
be done." Therefore, I felt somewhat compelled to write this statement.
Just in case you do not know me and wondering why Hari Sauri Prabhu is
asking me to address this issue, I will give a brief introduction about
myself - I am one of the last disciples of Srila Prabhupada. I met His
Divine Grace in January of 1977. In
March, during the Gaura-Purnima Festival, in Mayapur, he gave me first
and second initiations. He personally appointed me as his secretary for
Indian affairs. Once he instructed me not to get involved with any woman
and offer this life completely to Krsna, and soon after that, in May,
he gave me sannyasa in Sridham Vrindavan. I had the good fortune to serve
His Divine Grace's transcendental body until his disappearance pastime
from this planet.
From Srila Prabhupada we learned that a vaisnava does not defend himself.
Therefore, in this response to Nityananda dasa's allegation I will not
try to defend myself, however I feel it is my solemn duty to defend those
who are innocent, with my honest testimony.
The author of the book is accusing Tamal Krishna Goswami as the main suspect.
I do not know how well Nityananda dasa knows Tamal Krsna Maharaj and how
closely he associated with him, but while serving Srila Prabhupada I had
the opportunity to associate with him very closely and lived with him
in the same room for about seven months. During those days I saw what
a deep love and respect he had for Srila Prabhupada, and I also saw what
a deep confidence His Divine Grace had in him.
Tamal Krsna Maharaj has a very heavy side but one should not judge him
only from that point of view. He has a very soft side as well. Anyone
who knows him knows well how aggressive and demanding he can be and to
live with him for seven months was not always easy for me, to say the
least. Yet I will honestly admit that I have seen his other side also
and I have many sweet memories of my days with him. I have received elder
brotherly affection and care from him that created a deep bond between
us. Although from time to time we experienced our differences yet our
relationship remained intact. I decided to mention about this perception
of mine because I have seen many a times some devotees carry an inaccurate
image of other devotees that obscure their perception.
It is quite interesting to note that although Nityananda dasa wrote one
whole book based on some whispers and an incorrect and dubious analysis
of some hairs, he was nowhere near Srila Prabhupada in those days in Vrindavan.
If he was then he would have seen how absurd his suspicion and accusation
is. If he was present then he would have seen, what to speak of poisoning
Srila Prabhupada, the devotees around Srila Prabhupada were praying to
Krsna to let Srila Prabhupada stay on this planet in exchange of their
lives. It is extremely unfortunate that Nityananda dasa is so obsessed
with some whispers, but he is not listening to the exchanges that are
so loud and clear. If he was present there then he would have seen that
just a couple of days before Srila Prabhupada
left this planet he told his very intimate god-brother, Srila Krsnadasa
Babaji Maharaj, with tears rolling down from his eyes, "See, how
much they love me!" If he were attending Srila Prabhupada in the
early hours in Vrindavan, he would have heard Srila Prabhupada as soon
as his Divine Grace woke up, "Where is Tamal? Ask him to come to
me." And then he would have seen a very sweet loving exchange between
them. Srila Prabhupada talking to him about the affairs of the movement,
his various concerns about the future of this movement and what should
be done to protect this movement.
If Nityananda dasa was present there then he would have also seen that
there were hundreds of devotees whose hearts were so full with their love
for Srila Prabhupada that they were prepared to do anything for him. There
were personalities like Gurukripa, who used to attend Srila Prabhupada
everyday from 12 midnight to 2 in the morning. If Srila Prabhupada really
suspected that someone had poisoned him, then all he had to do is just
tell Gurukripa. Anyone who knows Gurukripa knows what would have happened
then. And it is not only Gurukripa, Srila Prabhupada had to just tell
any one of the few hundred
devotees that were there, and one can only imagine what the reaction would
have been like.
Those who are suspecting that Srila Prabhupada has been poisoned by some
of his disciples, I will request them to go deep within their hearts and
ask whether it is at all possible for a Vaisnava, who does not even kill
an ant, to murder his spiritual
master. One evening I was with Tamal Krishna Maharaj in our room in Vrindavan.
A mosquito was sucking his blood sitting on his leg. It had become quite
bloated with the blood that it sucked from his body. A sudden pain from
the bite made Tamal Krishna Maharaj aware of that mosquito. His hand rose
in a natural reflex to strike that little creature, but stopped all of
a sudden, and then it came down slowly and flicked the mosquito away from
his leg. The person who would not even kill the mosquito that was sucking
his blood, how can anyone think that he gave poison to his spiritual master.
Srila Prabhupada went to Vrindavan in May from Hrisikesa to leave his
body. Everyone present there was aware of that. The conspiracy to eliminate
him was not the reality rather the reality was intense prayer to Krsna
not to let Srila Prabhupada go away from their midst.
I personally learned a wonderful lesson from this allegation. I must have
developed some pride due to my good fortune in serving Srila Prabhupada
those days. Now Krsna, the destroyer of pride, is mercifully taking care
of that. While I, due to my false ego, was feeling proud that I served
Krsna's pure devotee, the world is seeing me as the one who gave him poison.
It is indeed Krsna's causeless mercy. I used to feel very impressed by
one statement of Srila Prabodhananda Saraswati, a very intimate associate
of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and the uncle of Srila Gopal Bhatta Goswami,
"If the whole world glorifies me but Krsna does not recognize me
then what is the use of that glorification. If the whole world spits at
me but Krsna recognises me then who cares about that spitting."
Very mercifully Krsna is giving me the opportunity to apply this wonderful
instruction in my own life. This allegation is making me aware about the
futility of mundane adoration and importance of Krsna's recognition. No
matter what the world thinks, Krsna knows everything. Therefore what is
the use of worrying about my image in this world? After all, sitting in
my heart Krsna knows about all that do and I think. The conditioned souls
of this material world may make mistakes in their judgement, but Krsna
will never make any mistake. I have taken shelter of Him and surrendered
myself unto Him; now let Him decide what I deserve.
To this world I will declare clear and loudly, "IT IS AN ABSOLUTELY
ABSURD ALLEGATION THAT SRILA PRABHUPADA HAS BEEN POISONED BY HIS DISCIPLES.
IF ANYONE INTENTIONALLY POISONED SRILA PRABHUPADA, THEN IT MUST BE ME
BECAUSE THOSE DAYS I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO USED TO GIVE PRASAD AND MEDICINE
TO HIS DIVINE GRACE. WHATEVER HE ATE AND DRANK
WENT THROUGH MY HAND."
Let the omniscient, omnipotent Supreme Personality of Godhead judge me.
If I committed such a heinous crime towards the dearest devotee of the
Lord, to whom I owe everything, including my very existence, then let
me suffer eternally in the darkest region of the hell.
If any of Srila Prabhupada's disciples, whose heart is steeped with his
love for Srila Prabhupada, wants to take the law in his hand and judge
me, I will welcome that also. I give him full freedom to judge and do
whatever he wants to do with me. I can assure him that I will accept that
judgment without any protest. If someone wants to take me to the mundane
court also, he can do so. There also I will give the same testimony, "IT
IS AN
ABSOLUTELY ABSURD ALLEGATION THAT SRILA PRABHUPADA HAS BEEN POISONED BY
HIS DISCIPLES. IF ANYONE INTENTIONALLY POISONED SRILA PRABHUPADA, THEN
IT MUST BE ME BECAUSE THOSE DAYS I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO USED TO GIVE PRASAD
AND MEDICINE TO HIS DIVINE GRACE. WHATEVER HE ATE AND DRANK WENT THROUGH
MY HAND."
Waiting to receive your judgment and aspiring to remain a servant of the
Vaisnavas,
Bhakti Caru Swami.
P.S. If you have any question, please feel free to write to me.
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